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Speaking from experience I am going to give you a little advice on…..Things NOT to say to your wife when she tells you she is tired of being overweight.
I can talk about this because my own spouse, who is usually not one to spew out things without measuring how they might sound before saying them, nearly lost his life if he had been within arms length of me this week.
I am fat. I will tell you I am fat. Along with that I have fibromyalgia and depression. My job is my blog, some advertising there and keeping our children alive till he gets home to tell them Hi. Every time I complain about my weight and wanting to change it he always says, ” Baby I love you period. Not about your weight. I find you beautiful and sexy regardless.” Which of course sounds good at the moment, but as a woman we all know we pick it apart later , and of course justify his saying because A) he has to sleep with me B) I cook his meals and C) He wants to get laid sometime in the next 20 years.
Truth, he likes thicker women. Bigger truth I will always be a thicker woman, I just hate being THIS thick. Even bigger truth, my boobs do one heck of a job of hiding my weight because they are enormous, and even when I have lost tons of weight, they stayed the same. I lost not one inch in my boobs. Not One. Keep in mind I wear a DDD /EE in a good bra. So yeah I have huge breasts. For the record, no I could not breastfeed, so yes I prove God has a wicked sense of humor.
Anyway, I have seriously been considering getting on a 90 day challenge with a company I have done a lot of research on, and I like what I see results wise and health wise.
But the cost makes me cringe. It isn’t cheap. I am a mom. We know what that means. I will spend my last dime and scour couches to get my kids or husband or nearly anyone else something, before I will spend that kind of money on myself. It is what it is.
Matter of fact my free time is basically non-existent. The minute I think I might have some I am guaranteed to have someone need me for something and there goes that free time. By the time I do have actual time where I don’t have to do anything I am so wore out from doing everything for everybody all I want to do is either work on my blogs, talk to some people on Facebook or take a hot bath and go to bed.
So I was talking to him about this program, and of course whining about the cost. Let me point out here my husband used to be a little heavier. But now he is well defined and cut in all the right places. He had a complete physical and found out his thyroid was out of whack and his testosterone was way low. Getting that straightened out changed him completely. Plus he has a job that involves lifting, moving and he walks on average 6 miles a day doing it. His meals consist of a quick sandwich in the morning, one at first break, one at lunch and sometimes he eats dinner if he isn’t worn out. He is the only person I have ever heard of that he doctors TOLD him to grab some McDonalds because his bad cholesterol was dangerously low, because apparently it is only bad if it is so high, too low is even more dangerous. REALLY?!!!
So he says,” Well I lost all that weight at the end of the year and I didn’t do anything special”.
I will let that sink in for you. Give it a second.
I LOST IT. Literally. Had he been in arm’s reach I would have been a widow.
I said ” Well gee if I had a full time job with REAL adults that kept me moving instead of driving everywhere I probably could do the same. Oh and hey let’s not forget you were skipping your meds, and your shots, and that also had an effect. Oh and that your job is physically demanding ALL DAY LONG. I mean really why does it not just fall off for me that easy. I mean I walk around the house picking up messes, doing laundry , cooking meals, running people everywhere for everything. I want to go to town to walk, but I hate to do it alone and I can never find anyone to walk with. Oh and I also feel GUILTY for using the gas to DRIVE to town to do something like that for myself, because you know I don’t work outside the home so I feel guilty for even considering buying or splurging on myself at ALL. Sure no problem why didn’t I realize how simple it really was. “
Silence. You could hear his face freeze OVER THE PHONE, when it dawned on him exactly what he said and how it sounded.
Then I had to run to town, again not for myself, because we were out of milk and bread, and I texted and asked if he would like me to bring him something for lunch, since I was in town. So I took him a big angus burger from McDonalds and I got myself a Grilled chicken no tomato no mayo. I ate that sandwich and a few pizza rolls that day and that was all.
Getting face to face with him was even harder. I had to swallow back the hurt. I looked at him and said, ” Do you realize the hurt you caused me with that comment earlier. Even worse now I am left to wonder are you just telling me I look fine when you tell me that other stuff or is it a big lie to shut your fat wife’s whining up?”
Yeah it was that bad.
Even writing about it I am livid.
I know I have to lose weight, I know it is on me.
I need to love myself enough to not feel guilty to want that.
But husbands.. seriously. just don’t say anything.
Support us in whatever.
But don’t say anything about how easy it should be.
Just.
Don’t.
I would be completely ticked off and seriously I don’t think he meant it that way, but still it hurts irregardless. That said, if you are looking for some online support for weight loss and just making some new friends, I belong to a group that Lanaya over at Raising Reagan started called getting Slim by the Summer. Everyone there is so very nice and so supportive. I am a stay at home mom, too and it is nice to have other women to talk to and share with on stuff like this. Thank you for sharing this and linking this up with us and if you are interested in joining the group, let me know
There are times that no matter what a man says, he’s going to be looked upon as an ass. Believe me, we’re used to it! It’s the way it is and we’ve long accepted it. Even, “I love you” can be turned around by an upset wife by, “You’re only saying that because you know I’m pissed off! You don’t love me, you love what I do for you!” We move on, as we must, knowing that we do love our wives for just being themselves. We wouldn’t have it any other way.
Great post!
Rich Rumple recently posted..FTSF: Superman, Super Sperm & Advice
Oh, man. I feel ya! The Hubs has some bad ones. And I really dislike it when he says something along the lines of “I don’t mind you being fat”. Thankfully it hasn’t been THAT black and white, and I know he’s trying to make me feel better (that he loves me even though I’ve gained weight), but it still stings. And he doesn’t get it. It just keeps on coming from him! Thanks for linking up with #FTSF this week!
Dawn recently posted..my friend Ann has a really cool job {PRIZES}
Preach it! My husband will skip bread at 2 meals and lose 10 pounds in one week. It’s insane. How can they do that??!!!
I loved this post!
The Dose of Reality recently posted..Never Let Anyone Steal Your Sparkle
OW! I feel ya there. Husbands SUCK at getting it right. Usually they think they’re trying to be helpful but sometimes it seems it’s All About Him. I hope he’s since rescinded the comment and done some pretty MEGA grovelling.
My Husby was nearly slaughtered recently when, after an intimate moment I caught him looking thoughtful and asked what he was thinking. He gave it a moment of consideration and responded “You know, I’m fairly sure I like [doing that] with you more than I like toy soldiers.”
Wow! Men!
Considerer recently posted..7 Quick Takes #19 x FTSF
Wow. First of all, great post. You really articulated your feelings well. I have had a bunch of conversations with friends lately about how dense, clueless, and insensitive our husbands can be. It’s like their brains just don’t work properly. I’m so sorry he said that to you, and it seems like a really typical MAN thing to say. I have a post in the works along those lines…I’ll let you know when it’s up. ARGH. Hopefully reaching out to others will bring you something more satisfying than his less than desirable remark. :/
Stephanie @ Mommy, for real. recently posted..My Daughter’s Blog: A Taste of My Own Medicine
Blame it on the darn metabolism that they are lucky to burn even if they are sitting in one place.
Hugs to you!
Ruchira recently posted..How to Protect oneself
I get it and I do believe he loves you and finds you attractive no matter what. Now, you have to find a way to get rid of the guilt and you also have to find a way to go on walks by yourself. You really don’t need anyone to go with you. I say this because I happen to live in a very walking friendly city. Everyone walks here and many people walk alone. I realize it is not the same in other places, but consider yourself a walking activist. You will empower others by empowering yourself.
Side notes: I have HUGE breasts as well and had difficulty nursing both times. Bigger breasts made it harder to nurse. Who knew?
I also need to lose weight and I just don’t talk to my husband about it because at this point in our lives our metabolisms are so different he doesn’t get it. I’m over 40, he’s not; I had 2 babies in 3 years, he did not. He has muscles even though he doesn’t work out, I work out and my muscles are very hard to see. Sigh.
Unknown Mami recently posted..We’re all Winners When We’re Positive #Positivismo #PremioLoNuestro
Those dreaded words. My husband will always say, when I loose a pound of 3, “well, we better go look for them”. uh huh.
Sorry I have been away. My mom has totally kept me busy.
Dazee Dreamer recently posted..Thursday Thoughts
What a well-writen post about something I think we all struggle with – that sometimes, our husbands are just plain dumb and insensitive. Even when they don’t mean to be. I don’t say anything to my husband about my weight anymore. The last time I complained that none of my shirts or jackets fit, he (thought he was being helpful but instead was being an ass) said “well, why don’t you go to the gym?” Um. When? I could have choked him.
Losing weight is so hard. I can diet all week, lose 4 pounds and then gain 6 with one big meal on a Saturday. Ugh. Loved this post!
Kristi – Finding Ninee recently posted..Use the buddy system
Men are dumb sometimes. They just are. On my personal Facebook page I started following One Fit Widow. She has a blog as well. Breaks down eating and good choices without drastic diets or replacing half your meals with liquid. Which you can do on your own btw. If that’s a route you choose not all companies are the same! Check the health components or the weight won’t stay off. Also, I have a contact you may be interested in. I will email you about it.
Ducky recently posted..But I Have A Brilliant Personality
I hate that he hurt your feelings, men do not always understand. When you have been heavy most of your life it’s even harder, you are battling more then just diet but also genetics!
Stephanie @ Babe’s Rockin’ Mami recently posted..Two Weeks {Check In with Mami & Abby}