As a mother I can say this.. if you are an addict of anything and your child is part of your life, your addiction will mark your child. Whether you know it or not. My oldest son’s bio dad was a drug addict. He died from an overdose when Doug was 17. But not before he had bounced in and out of Doug’s life , mainly as a teenager, showing him everything he didn’t need to know. He gave Doug his first alcohol on his court ordered visitation and his first drugs. Yet despite my attempts to get the visitation stopped they ignored my pleas.
When his father died my son was barred by HIS family from coming to the funeral, simply because his mother did not want any reminders that her hateful heart did not just extend to her own child but to his child as well. Doug went anyway, when no one was there. I went in with him. Trust me as the parent who was always picking up the pieces, telling your child that their death is not your fault and making them believe you, damn near impossible. Your addiction tells that child loud and clear they are not enough. Not enough peace, not enough joy, not enough to love, not enough to make you want to do better. It tells them when you toss them aside to get your fix. It tells them when you wind up in the ER during a visitation because you had to snort that pill while he was playing at the park and you sat in the car. The infection pouring out of your nose as the person who brought you drives as fast as they can to the ER. When you tell them one thing, then do another. When your promises get broken over and over again. AS a parent for the long haul I am not saying I haven’t fallen short, not kept my word, broken his heart. But I try to do that as little as possible. I try to be real with him and not fill his head full of untruths and tall tales about the awesomeness of me. I want him to reach the awesomeness of HIM. I want him to know how amazing HE is, and even in that amazingness life just sucks sometimes. But the answer is not to snort a pill, or grab a needle. It is in digging your heels in and standing your ground and loving yourself and your family enough to say no. I nearly lost my child to that same demon of addiction. When his bio dad passed he sank into a pit of despair and self loathing so deep he could barely see light. He spent time with friends and was gone for days at a time, when he did come home he would sleep for days. He almost died once from an overdose, his friends never told me, he did much later, when he was clean and sober. When the fog was gone, when he found his voice in music again.
It hasn’t all been roses, but then again roses have thorns for a reason. But he is learning and with the upcoming birth of his own child looming he has looked back on how close he came to walking in the foot steps of a person who never really knew him at all. Not because Doug was not worth the time, but because David could not make the time. So the following is a song Doug wrote after his father died. It has been in his head and heart for a while but having the ability to make it through it is still raw sometimes. He can go there again, to that place when he remembers . The feeling of being not enough. But he only looks at those of us who have loved him through all of it to know that his feelings are without warrant. It wasn’t even that his father wasn’t enough, he just never got told he was.
So today I have hijacked Ispy. I want this to go viral and I need your help.. I need these kids to know THEY are not responsible for their parents addictions. THEY ARE ENOUGH.. they have always been enough, it is their parent who is the one losing the most…
Find me on FB and like and share the video, share it from YOUTUBE, G+ and twitter it.. Just get it out there for me ok?? Tell him he IS ENOUGH….