Memoir Monday with Travis..

So it’s Monday..with Travis, which should be enough in and of itself cause well it’s Travis people..superstar of Okay, OK. But Travis being the blog leader he is was kind enough to come up with this awesome blog carnival that allows us to admit those moments in life where we wish we were equipped with a paper bag to put over our heads at the moment it happened. So grab that little button up there and hop on over to his dock and tie your dinghy to it. Then you can sit back and laugh at all of us who are already there..
Picture it Sicily 1945.. no wait sorry wrong memoir…
OK Picture it.. I have just been uprooted from my school , my friends, my home to a whole new state. My mom and dad have gotten divorced, he and his new hoochie literally got everything. What furniture mom kept we had to sell simply to get to Virginia so mom could find a job. She moved in with her bff in the whole world, who just so happened to have a daughter who was 3 months younger then me. Did I forget to mention it was an OLD single wide trailer that MIGHT have been 50 foot long and all o9f 10 feet wide. It had 2 bedrooms and when we moved in the body count jumped to 6. Yeah you do the math, both of our mom’s slept in the living room, me and the daughter shared a room and her son and Spot ( mom’s bff’s daddy) shared the other hole in the wall they called a room. We lived in a trailer park and by simply walking around one could tell instantly we were one of “those” families. The renters not the buyers. Although I loved our neighbor his name was fingers.. why you may ask.. Well because he was a biker, and he was working on his bike and had his gf at the time start the bike which threw something into motion. Except he had not moved his hand in time. He got to keep the fingers in some kind of messed up solution in a bottle..which he proudly displayed on his coffee table. Anyhow I digress. Did I mention that I am the baby of the family?? No? Well I am. Did I also mention that my next closest sibling was 11 years older then me?? So to call me a princess would have been at that time, well dead on lol. I had never been in a fight, I grew up with all the people I knew, I was small town princess. Coming into a household that already had aprincess, a big city , probably not only knew what brass knuckles were but owned a few pair Princess. Like if I had not known better, like the mob would not live here. I would have sworn she was in the mob. And she was none too thrilled with sharing a room with me. Oh my toys, that was grand, my bed even better since she had been sleeping on the floor.. Anything outside of that not happening. So without fail I would be outside playing with one of my toys and she would come up and snatch it from me. I would then run inside to mom, scared to death of the other princess and cry. My mom and her mom would come out threaten her life, I would get said toy back along with a gazillion daggers shot across the yard. First chance she would hit me, which would start the cycle all over. This was all new to me.. I had never been so hated in my life.. 
This went on for about a month until finally my mom sat me down and said, ” Angel I love you but if you lether do you wrong one more time and you don’t turn around and slap the dogwater out of her, when you come in to tell me about it I am going to slap the dogwater out of you, the choice is yours,”  
I was FLOORED. I had NEVER had to hit anyone, mom had always told me fighting was not the answer. Why had it suddenly changed?? I’ll tell ya why cause so had the playing field.. 
So 2 days later I was outside playing with my baton. Remember this was the late 70′s so we had those ones that came with the rubber stoppers on each end and one end as like HUGE and HURT if you missed the catch. I was playing along happily, Fingers was out working on his bike in his yard out comes the other princess.. She walks right up to me and snatches my baton from my hand. I stand there for a second torn about what to do. If I went inside I was doomed I had to deal with her…
It was nearly like the old shoot outs in the spaghetti westerns. *insert whistling background here*  
Mean citified princess danced around with MY baton twirling it ,poorly I might add, and then she made the choice to toss it up and catch it. I took my chance and as soon as it went airborne I shoved her out of the way and grabbed my baton back. She swung at me, I swung the baton cracking her right top of her head with a nasty sounding thud from the HEAVY side. Down she went. Out came her momma and my momma who had been watching from the window. Fingers hopped up all sure I had killed her, me thinking I was going to jail over a durn baton. Great did I mention Her daddy was a cop, like a high ranking up there cop.. Guess who would drive the patrol car were I to go to jail yeahh niceee reallll smooth there Angel. 
She finally gets up and is holding the top of her head that has popped out like a nice goose egg and heads straight for me.Her mom stopped her and said, ” Oh no you don’t young lady you have tormented her for the last time and she has had enough, take your ass whoopin and get up and go to your room. ”  
Whew… funny though after that we were the best of friends.. if she pushed my buttons I just grabbed my baton and went “wanna go there city girl?? “



  1. The Princess of Sarcasm says:

    And I still have a knot on my head….. ;)

  2. Captain Dumbass says:

    Ba ha ha! Priceless.

  3. The Blue Zoo says:

    Loved it! Sometimes people just need a good whoopin'!

    And the fingers on the coffee table? Ew. Ew. Ew.

  4. Corrie Howe says:

    Isn't that normally how it works? At least in all the romance stories…those who hate each other turn out to be great relationships.

  5. It's a shame kids today don't have a good hard smack at their disposal to solve problems. They really would get arrested!

  6. Nothing like a little ass wooping to create a new BFF!

  7. Heather says:

    That was a great story and I'm glad you two became friends.

  8. LOL! I can't believe her mom took up for you. That's funny.

  9. LOL!

    that's right! don't mess with my stuff, princess byotch!

  10. blueviolet says:

    I totally believe you have to fight back like that to prevent the torture. I'm glad you did it!

  11. That's right, you don't mess with the princess and her baton!

  12. My brother is 11 years older than I am, too. I never had another princess move in on my turf though. I was shocked at the fighting that goes on between my boys as I never had a concept of sibling rivalry.

  13. That One Mom says:

    I wish kids would settle their differences that way these day insted of bustin' out the guns and shiz…

  14. Aunt Juicebox says:

    Good for you! Sometimes you just have to hit somebody over the head to get their attention! lol

  15. Remind me to never steal one of your toys!

    Great story

  16. Sometimes in life you have to hit someone in the head with a baton.

    Of course, when I hit that little girl with one last week, they called it a "felony."

    Also, you win "Best use of the word dogwater."

  17. Lee the Hot Flash Queen says:

    That is such a great story!! I love how you stuck up for yourself and then became friends. Ahhh…such a happy ending!!

  18. That's awesome! So glad you played on the dock with Big T today!

    Fingers, the mob, single wide, trailer parks and a batton! Man what a story!

  19. This had me laughing almost from the start! Isn't it funny how kids manage to settle their differences and go on to be friends?

  20. Ha ha ha. Wanna go there city girl?