PYHO: What a difference a year can make

Last year at this time my oldest had come out of rehab, determined to clean himself up from the drugs he was addicted to. I had made the hardest choice of my life in throwing him out, and was left to wonder how did that happen? To my child. We had never done drugs and constantly warned them that we would not tolerate them using them. Bipolarism is nasty. When others use drugs for recreational purposes it is to get ‘high’, either to laugh or sleep or be different. For him it was to get normal, or as close to normal as he could be with bipolar. To have those moments when he didn’t feel like a passenger on a fast moving train he didn’t want a ticket for. He was out but I had my fears. We have really spent the last year beating off the last of the demons that come with it. The lure it holds for them and the promise of levelness.

His outlet had been music. But his addiction led him to sell every guitar he owned and anything else he could get his hands on. Always with some cover story of he left it here, or so and so borrowed it and lost it. He was mixed up still with the wrong people, and reaching him was nearly impossible. Then the wrong girl, who twisted him like a rag doll on a string. Despite our cries to him to open his eyes to who she really was. For her he gave up even his freedom and friends and even family. She became his newest addiction.

In the last 4 months since mom’s death a change has occurred. He realized how quickly life passes and how many people his behavior and choices affected. He raged at the memories of some of the things he did to mom to pacify this girl. The pain he inflicted on all of us and himself. The realization that he was never going to be enough for her and he needed to get his feet on the ground.

It started by checking out colleges then I bought him a guitar with our taxes. Instead of focusing on the screaming stuff he had been doing he turned to changing stuff to acoustic. Giving it his spin. The more he went to his music, the less she has been able to affect him.

Last month he gave his first public performance. All the talking we had done, everything we told him he could achieve if he would just slow down and try, came to the forefront. An audience full of people saw the talent he had. Not his family, not his friends but absolute strangers really liked him.

Today he is working on coming out with a CD, he is going to Nashville this weekend to see a producer. One that is interested in him. He is registered to start college. He did it all on his own.

A year ago this was my son:

1413565760

 

This is him today:

Dougs photo shoot 110Dougs photo shoot 004

 

What a difference a year makes. What a great God we serve that can make this change. Slowly but surely he is softening my son and molding him, though my son will say he is angry at God for taking his Memaw, and we all miss her. I shudder to think where he would be if not having had to face that tremendous loss. Where all of us would be. We pulled closer. We play harder and love stronger. He turns to music instead of drugs. He turns to music instead of anger. He turns to music instead of the need to fight. He puts it in sound and song. This is an addiction I know will serve him better, and take him farther. He made time for his gift and God made room for it in the places he least likely expected. Isn’t that just like God?

Signature

Comments

  1. So amazing what God can do when we love others through Him and He loves them through us!

    So thankful that your boy found his way back. I wish I could hear the two of you.
    Rachel recently posted..the disability truthMy Profile

  2. Hooray for happy endings! I love that he is doing so well!

  3. I am so grateful that he is doing better and how cool is it that he is going to Nashville.
    Dazee Dreamer recently posted..Guts? Me? I Don’t Think SoMy Profile

  4. Thank God that things are turning around for him and you. This is something that comes very close to my soul. I have bipolar. I understand what it is like to have your thoughts run so fast that you don’t know what to do. As such, you saw me disappear for some time. During that time, we found out that my son who we adopted through foster care also has bipolar. He’s only seven years old. I am just now learning how to cope with it. I pray to God to help me each and every day so that I might be able to guide J. I know God only gives us what we can handle. I hope that your son has a wonderful trip to Nashville and that his new journey is remarkable. Yes his music is his way out. I think you just helped me to see that is where I should be leading J as well. He loved to play when he first came to us but he stopped. He still sings and does all the things that a natural musician does. I will work on that area. Thank you so much for your kind words on my blog.
    Tami recently posted..Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

  5. He looks so much happier in this recent photo! Glad he’s doing better.
    Adrienne recently posted..It’s hard having a teenager.My Profile

  6. What a wonderful difference the past year has made!
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: There are Two of UsMy Profile

  7. God is truly amazing how He uses our flaws, faults, difficulties, bad choices and mistakes to put us exactly where He needs us to be. I love that about Him! None of us are too broken for Him to toss aside.
    Awn recently posted..London Calling…Or Maybe It’s Just MeMy Profile