Mothers Day without your mother here…

mom dvd0055

I realize that today is Mother's Day. I also realize that I am a mother, and a grandmother now. But somehow it seems surreal to me. This is my second Mother's Day since my mother passed away and it doesn't get any easier. I realize there is so much more I needed her here for, like the birth of my first grandchild. A cousin of ours recently lost his wife, well its been about the same time Mom has been gone. He remarried and the other day had his first child. I can remember when he got married to … [Read more...]

One year ago today with Mom #hugsfortheholidays

  This post is linked up with other posts discussing the grief of losing our parents and how it can affect us, especially at the holidays. San Diego Momma made a beautiful video discussing the pain of losing her mother, even now years later. Earlier I wrote about losing my father and now we will discuss my mom. It is fresh in my mind still. It hasn't even been a year yet. I won't rehash the entire 23 day hospital stay that began on my birthday last year and ended with my mother … [Read more...]

Missing my Dad #hugsfortheholidays

I lost my Dad to pancreatic cancer. I watched it ravage his body and take this tall handsome guy to a shell of skin and bones. I think what makes it hurt worse is the fact that his wife has done us, his children, so wrong. Her greed not only attempted to keep us out of his life but succeeded in keeping us from getting anything from our lives with him before her. Not even so much as a picture or a shirt. I remember the weeks leading up to his death, he was a skeleton of a man who barely got … [Read more...]

Thanksgiving happiness moments with Leigh

2012 Thanksgiving 021_001

Thanksgiving, as you know if you read my last post, was a holiday I was dreading. Despite pulling it off, it did not go without the moments of lucidity when Mom's striking absence stood out like the white elephant in the room that no one wanted to talk about. My biggest moment came before the first guest arrived, in the midst of the cooking frenzy that is a holiday meal in this family. I lifted the lid on the roux for the giblet gravy and the aroma hit my nose like a memory in an instant. I … [Read more...]

Sadness in the midst of thankfulness PYHO

It seems like I have blinked and nearly a year has passed from one Thanksgiving to the next. So much has happened in a year, so much has changed. The loss of mom and her ever present absence has me walking in a daze. My sister and I tried to come up with a way to have Thanksgiving together but everything we tried seemed to be wrong for someone we wanted here. I finally just told her to do hers when she wanted and I would do mine Thanksgiving. Something that I know would not have happened if Mom … [Read more...]

When rainbows make me cry.. PYHO

rainbows and storms 012

Let me preface this post by saying Happy Birthday to Shell, the awesome creator of this particular meme. Who had an idea and ran with it making it one of the most popular memes in the blogging world. Thank you to her for giving us all the opportunity to lay ourselves bare and let the love and acknowledgment of "I have been there too" Help us heal those wounds. Without fear of harassment or bullying.  Happy Birthday to you hun, and many many more... For those of you new to my place let me … [Read more...]