Somehow I never pictured this happening in my life. I am about to be a grandmother, possibly. I have demanded testing be done to ensure that it is his, cover his ass so he doesn’t jump in and find out later it may not be his. She doesn’t like the ideal of it, oh well. Too much drama and her sneaking around for my comfort. I have to hope for his as well. Though their separation of 3 months seems to have given her a dose of reality, that the world does not revolve around her and stalking and harassing someone only gets you in a sling. You can be as pretty as you want but your attitude can change all that in a split second. Him telling her no repeatedly shifted something in her, for the better I hope.
But, I am not ready to be a grandmother. The thought crossed my mind of what to be called. Granny is old sounding, Grandma is the same. I loathe Nana and that leaves Memaw. Which for me is , was, mom’s name. SHE was Memaw. She was supposed to be here for the birth of my first grandchild. She was not supposed to be gone, leaving me alone here. He senses it as well, he says things about her not being here, and how much his baby is gonna miss. I mean there are days I feel like I still haven’t gotten it together as a parent. Hello I taught him sex was for marriage and love, about protection because I know what being a teenager meant. To discover that this girl PLANNED it infuriates me. But what’s done is done and now I have to prepare for the upcoming birth.
It’s a boy. We know that. I am torn. I am not even out of my ability to bear children yet, how the hell did I become old enough to be a grandparent to one. I love babies, that is never in question. I will toss aside adult conversation and dinner out to spend the evening on the couch snuggled with a baby. Period. But I fear this one. I don’t want to put my heart all out there and not be any kin to this child. I fear for my son who is as nutso over babies as I am. For him to find out it wasn’t his, I shudder to think of the damage that will do to him. I am afraid of what I would be willing to do to her for dragging his heart and head around like that and ours. You just don’t mess with my kids.
I am trying to push past those fears and prepare for the likelihood that yes, it is his, yes I will be a grandma. I will be married to a grandpa. I am old. But I don’t feel old, well most days. I can do this. I really can. Right?? I mean hello I got this.. tell me I got this..