Time for Writer’s Workshop with Mama Kat. There were several prompts as always to choose from and of course you know me I go for the hard stuff.
5.) Share something mean someone said to you once, why has it stuck with you after all these years?
You will never be skinny. I have heard it most of my life. Truth yes. I just don’t have the frame to be tiny. I look wistfully at the clothes in the smaller section of clothing knowing that I will never fit into them. When I went to college instead of gaining the freshman 15 I lost nearly 30 pounds and still only went to a size 14, which as we all know is still carried on the plus side of the store. When I had my kids I bemoaned the inability to be little . My boobs have never been little unless you count when I was born. Because I am naturally top heavy for me to be itty bitty would look freakish. When I was pregnant with my last child I lost tons of weight. Only because my gall bladder was biting the dust and never got removed till he was 3 months old. I was down to size 14 again and weighed in at 167 lbs. My doctor who finally diagnosed the crappy gall bladder was shocked at how tiny I looked.I laughed because I knew mentally I had lost tons of weight but when I looked in the mirror I still saw the big girl. The one who was too big to have attractive men look at her twice. I can remember being little and walking in on mom when she was getting dressed or getting out of the shower. She had scars running down her abdomen, caused by carrying me I know. But she also had a roll that always made me queasy and I would think to myself I don’t ever want to look like that. Well today I do. Kids wreak havoc on our bodies, havoc that sometimes there is no cure for. The only difference between my mom and I is her surgical scars caused her abdomen to be split into 2 separate rolls when she bent over, down the middle instead of across. She always hated the way she looked.
Last year before she passed mom lost massive amounts of weight. She bought new clothes, clothes that I would love to wear but could not even get a leg into. She was so proud, and I was a wee bit jealous. They never could find a medical reason for her weight loss. I couldn’t lose an ounce without trying. So the words of my youth, You are too big for this or that. He won’t like you because you are not skinny. Those still linger. They still sting. They still whisper in my ear, even when I am losing weight, telling me I will always look like my mother in the mirror.
I hear you. It’s the same with me and ugly. I was so convinced about it, that I could always get the mirror to agree with me. It becomes impossible to see yourself how you really are.
reachingbacktoyou.blogspot.com
Size is not the all important thing, although our society would have us think otherwise. Enjoy who you are inside – and the outside will not be as important. And, what others think is not nearly as important as what we think!
Linda recently posted..The Perfect Backyard BBQ
I hear ya. I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum, weight-wise, and whether I was way too heavy or dangerously thin, it was always because I was unhappy. It’s funny (well, maybe not FUNNY) to look back at pics of myself when I was rail-thin and remember feeling miserable and fat that day, knowing that I’m heavier now but feel thinner. So much of it is in our heads and how we view it. But it took so many years and a lot of work and changes in my life to get there – and at the end of the day, though my extra pounds don’t bother me like they would have five years ago, I’d still rather be thin. Sigh.
hollow tree ventures recently posted..Peeing While I’m In the Shower and Other Things To Think About
You’re not alone! I just gained another 10 lbs. (note the word “another”) this past year because of a spinal fusion and just sitting around and eating my pain away. I’d love to lose it but it seems no matter how hard I try, nothing budges and the my clothes keep getting tighter. Sigh . . . maybe God’s trying to tell me to stop comparing myself to others, something the media drives home every time you look at the news. I’m so tired of hearing their statistics on the obesity problem in our country. I’ve decided that perhaps the best advice has already been given by Linda — “Enjoy who you are on the inside.”
Sherrey Meyer recently posted..Trust Me
I completely understand where you are coming from. When my husband was deployed back in 2010 I went from 215lbs to 180lbs. The smallest size I got down to was a 13. I’ll never be small because of my frame as well. And when I lost all of that weight- I still thought I was “big”… they say that getting the person to see the new them is always the hardest. I never really sway how “small” I really was then until I gained it all back (plus some) when I got pregnant with my second child.
Stopping by from Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop! Feel free to swing by some time
-Jessica
http://mommiesblog2011.blogspot.com/
Amen Sister!! I totally hear and understand you. Been there, heard that, and lived blissfully to overcome it and embrace my size 12-16, etc.
Enjoy every bit of your beautiful self.
Nicki G. The Blissful Wife
http://www.blissfulvida.com
Found you through Mama Kats