Time for Writer’s Workshop with Mama Kat. There were several prompts as always to choose from and of course you know me I go for the hard stuff.
5.) Share something mean someone said to you once, why has it stuck with you after all these years?
You will never be skinny. I have heard it most of my life. Truth yes. I just don’t have the frame to be tiny. I look wistfully at the clothes in the smaller section of clothing knowing that I will never fit into them. When I went to college instead of gaining the freshman 15 I lost nearly 30 pounds and still only went to a size 14, which as we all know is still carried on the plus side of the store. When I had my kids I bemoaned the inability to be little . My boobs have never been little unless you count when I was born. Because I am naturally top heavy for me to be itty bitty would look freakish. When I was pregnant with my last child I lost tons of weight. Only because my gall bladder was biting the dust and never got removed till he was 3 months old. I was down to size 14 again and weighed in at 167 lbs. My doctor who finally diagnosed the crappy gall bladder was shocked at how tiny I looked.I laughed because I knew mentally I had lost tons of weight but when I looked in the mirror I still saw the big girl. The one who was too big to have attractive men look at her twice. I can remember being little and walking in on mom when she was getting dressed or getting out of the shower. She had scars running down her abdomen, caused by carrying me I know. But she also had a roll that always made me queasy and I would think to myself I don’t ever want to look like that. Well today I do. Kids wreak havoc on our bodies, havoc that sometimes there is no cure for. The only difference between my mom and I is her surgical scars caused her abdomen to be split into 2 separate rolls when she bent over, down the middle instead of across. She always hated the way she looked.
Last year before she passed mom lost massive amounts of weight. She bought new clothes, clothes that I would love to wear but could not even get a leg into. She was so proud, and I was a wee bit jealous. They never could find a medical reason for her weight loss. I couldn’t lose an ounce without trying. So the words of my youth, You are too big for this or that. He won’t like you because you are not skinny. Those still linger. They still sting. They still whisper in my ear, even when I am losing weight, telling me I will always look like my mother in the mirror.